Meeting the “Not Enough” Cycle Wound: A Spirit Baby Message for Those Ready to Break the Cycle

Hello my loves,

I’m so grateful to bring you this message today.

I recently came across a powerful post by writer Stephanie Tear on Threads, and as I read her words, I felt a visceral reaction—goosebumps rising all over my arms. My spirit baby collective lovingly tugged at me, whispering through the veil: “This is the work of healing not just for you, but for the generations to come.”

This message is for every one of us who has lived this pattern—whether you’re healing from it, still entangled in it, or already doing the conscious work to break free.

It’s time to end this cycle.

As a love psychic, part of my work is sharing ways in which we can heal our hearts collectively. Many of us want to raise a new generation—where children of all genders (but especially young boys) foster emotional maturity, accountability, and empathy. These are psychological skills many AFAB (assigned female at birth) children are expected to learn as young girls, while boys are often left emotionally underdeveloped, praised only for their achievements and strength (performance-based), never for their sensitivity or vulnerability.

After reading Stephanie’s post, I dropped into a brief meditation, and was able to bring you this channeled message:

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You clearly express your needs in love.

You bare your heart, asking to be seen, heard, cherished.

And instead of meeting you there, he says,

“It’s like nothing I do is ever enough.”

And the spiral begins… again.

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Why Is This So Common? 🤦‍♀️

And Why Must It End Now?

This dynamic is everywhere—in our personal lives, in our favorite movies, in the pages of bestselling novels.

• Think The Notebook—a man who must perform grand, impossible acts to prove his love, while real emotional presence is rarely modeled.

• Or Beauty and the Beast—where a woman must patiently love a wounded, emotionally unavailable man until he transforms.

• In A Star Is Born, we see the tragic consequence of a man collapsing under his unhealed emotional wounds while his partner carries the weight of both their emotional worlds.

We are conditioned—through media, family systems, and outdated gender roles—to normalize this exhausting dynamic.

And yet, research tells us this is deeply damaging.

• Dr. John Gottman’s studies show that relationship success is 86% determined by how well partners respond to each other’s bids for connection—those tiny moments of reaching out, asking to be seen.

• Gottman also identified the “Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse,” and this dynamic falls right into it:

• Criticism: The unmet partner expressing frustration.

• Defensiveness: The fragile partner responding with “Nothing I do is ever enough.”

• Stonewalling: Emotional shutdown follows.

• Contempt: And eventually, resentment and emotional distance settle in.

But this is not just about saving marriages or partnerships.

This is about creating the New Earth.

Our spirit babies are calling us forward into a world where love is no longer a battlefield, but a sanctuary. Where emotional safety is a birthright. Where boys grow up knowing that their tears are sacred and their tenderness can be a powerful step towards inner strength. Where girls no longer carry the crushing labor of emotional caretaking.

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How Do We Break the Cycle and Heal?

With Our Partners:

• Practice Gottman’s Turning Toward principle. Respond to each other’s bids for connection with curiosity, not defensiveness.

• Use Imago Dialogue to uncover the childhood wounds playing out in real time.

• Pause and co-regulate before diving into heated conversations. Connection first, solutions second.

With Our Children:

• Normalize emotional expression, especially for boys. Teach them that crying isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.

• Use child-friendly DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) tools to help them name, feel, and regulate their emotions. Simple emotion charts, dragon breathing, and validating their big feelings make all the difference.

• Praise sensitivity and kindness as much as achievement and bravery.

This is how we raise children who will walk this Earth with open hearts, steady nervous systems, and a deep capacity for love.

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A Final Message for Healing This Dynamic—For Both Sides:

To the One Boldly Stating Their Needs:

Your needs are not “too much.” Your clarity is a gift. Speak your truth with compassion but stand firm in your worth. Your heart deserves to be held with tenderness. And if you’ve been carrying the emotional labor for too long, know this: You are allowed to set it down. Your efforts to make your partner’s life “easier” emotionally go unseen. They didn’t ask for that, even though you’re right, they tend to need the guidance. Even within themselves. Part of their journey is to learn the skills to attune to you emotionally. They cannot grow in those ways if you do not give them the space to. I’m seeing a fertile field holding these sproutlings and nurturing them as they grow. Consider shifting your role to taking care in a different, more supportive way, my love.

To the One Who Feels Inadequate:

You are enough simply because you exist. You don’t have to earn love through perfection or performance. Let yourself be vulnerable. Stay open when you want to shut down. That’s where true strength lives. You are missing a key opportunity to turn towards your partner when they give you the gift of telling you what they need. Treat this as a gift, wrapped up in the emotional labor they did as a courtesy so that you wouldn’t get lost in their emotions, either. Once you treat this sacred emotional blueprint as the blessing that it is and meet your partner’s needs, with presence and consistency, you’ll have it down. Your worth is not based on how you perform, my love. Go forth and know you’re a whole human, no matter what you do.

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If this message spoke to your heart, I’d love to stay connected.

I’m currently focusing on my own healing and not taking on new spirit baby coaching clients, but you can subscribe to my email list for spirit baby coaching updates and future availability. You’ll receive spirit-guided messages, updates on when I open my books again, and exclusive offerings to help you on your healing journey.

Together, we are creating a world where love is safe, emotions are honored, and the children of tomorrow are raised in homes that feel like a sanctuary from the rest of the world. Providing a space where your children can be themselves, no matter how they feel is a non-negotiable in todays world, if you ask me.

With all my love and the blessings of the spirit baby realm,

Kimberly

Spirit Baby Psychic Medium & Love Psychic